Happiness & Heaviness

Hello blog world! It's been a LONG while since I've posted something! I can't say that nothing has been going on, because so much has been, it's just that I'm just a lazy blogger...and remember I warned you about that when I first started this blog. So, I'm back in the saddle again...


HAPPINESS

While it hasn't been the summer of my dreams in terms of lazy days, camping, hiking, bike riding and all the other fun stuff I LOVE to do, I've gotten in a few weekends of relaxation here and there. Honestly, one of my favorite memories of the summer was a weekday I was cancelled at work and Tre and I went to throw the Frisbee at Vancouver Lake park. We were both barefoot, with lush cold green grass under our feet and when we got tired of chasing the Frisbee we laid down in the grass on our backs and watched the cottonwood fuzzies floating in the sky above and chatted about inconsequential things and told jokes. While I wish all days were as savory as that one, it was definitely a highlight in what has been an exhausting summer with starting a new job and the emotional load that comes with it...but more on that later.

Just last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting Claire Fortner. She's the new snugly family member who has turned my friends Jeff and Michelle into parents. She's almost 6 weeks old now and has begun her "fussy" stage. She's cute as a button and I really enjoyed meeting this new little soul! I took a few pics when I was there...to me, they are hilarious and pretty self explanatory! Ah, diapers! ;)


















HEAVINESS
I knew that my job was, at some point, going to become emotionally difficult. After all, I'm dealing with people who are battling cancer and unfortunately, cancer is still a formidable disease to get. For every one success story, there are multiple losses. While there have been many deaths in my short time at this job, in the last few weeks several of these deaths have become difficult for me to manage emotionally, due to my bond with the patient. I see many of the same patients week after week, I become a part of their life while they are receiving treatment. I hear about their lives, jobs, hobbies, hopes, struggles and I meet their families..mothers, brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren. In turn I answer their questions and share myself and my life with them. That makes it all the more difficult when I hear about a hospice referral or a demise of one of these patients whom I know, have cared for and have invested in. It hits my heart hard. I realize all they are dealing with...the goodbyes, the uncertainty and the fear of what lies ahead, knowing they will be leaving dear ones behind. It's overwhelming! And while I cannot change the course their disease has taken, answer the question of "Why me?" or take away the sadness and anger they feel, I can hold them in my thoughts and learn from the courageous way in which they fought for their life while keeping a smile on their face. I expected to grieve for my patients when I took this job and I know that while the emotional aspect will not change, my coping and processing of it will. As hard as this is for me right now, I know that I am doing what I should be doing...that I am meant to be the nurse for these patients.


MORE HAPPINESS
It's always good to use the "sandwhich approach"...happy, heavy, happy! That way you end on the upbeat! This weekend Tre and I are taking off to enjoy 4 days to celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary! I can't believe it's been six years already! And while our marriage journey has certainly NOT been easy, it's been enriching and gratifying. We're headed up to Port Townsend, WA...to the same little cabin we spent the first few days of our honeymoon in. We've planned some great geocaches in the area, a hike up Hurricaine Ridge in Olympic National Park and definitely some much earned R & R! My parent's were kind enough to watch our furry kids, so we're solo this weekend which adds to the bliss of it all! I hope to get a post-anniversary blog with pictures up soon after our return!