Hen & Chicks: February 2011

It's been 5 VERY long weeks since I posted last.

It's not that I haven't wanted to post. Or than I haven't had anything to share. On the contrary, there has been ample of both.

Simply put...I'm exhausted. I'm so tired and worn down, even my hair hurts!

This should probably not have come as a surprise to me. But it has.

I was honestly expecting Wren's newborn-hood to be like Lelia's...sleeping through the night at 2 weeks, smiles at 3 weeks, generally pleasant baby with a few episodes of colic. I realize how naive this expectation was.

Yep, Wren is not Lelia. NOT. AT. ALL. There could not BE a more polar opposite experience to Lelia's early infancy than Wren has presented. Black and white.

For the last 5 weeks, Wren has literally cried non-stop the majority of EVERY day. Colic?!? Oh, yeah...she is the very definition of such. And sleep through the night, she has not. She is up at least 2 times a night to nurse (which isn't bad in itself) but after the 1/2 hour of nursing, it takes another hour and a half to get her back to sleep. Her poor little belly is not very cooperative and causes her (and I) LOTS of sleeplessness. And smiles?!? Nope. Nada. Zilch. All this work and she won't even produce a smile for her haggard mother!

There have been MANY times in the last few weeks I honestly did not think I would be able to get through the day. Upon waking in the morning, my first thought was..."I only have to make it to 8 PM tonight (Lelia's bedtime)". How horrible is that?!? And yet, somehow I did make it through. Through 35 ish of the worst days I have experienced as a mother. Grueling days. It has not been a pretty affair, to say the least!

I know things will get better. I know that I will forget the acute nature of what I feel right now. But I imagine I will always remember how challenging these last 5 weeks have been. That's not to say there haven't been some really wonderful moments in the last 5 weeks...it's just that the veil of exhaustion makes it difficult to fully realize or appreciate those moments. And they seem so fleeting.

Some bright spots in the last few weeks: 5 days/4 nights with my immediate family (Mom/Dad/brother Drew and his family). Although sleep was meager, there were a couple beautiful days that made beach walking possible and thus provided some much needed renewal.